Naughty Frenchman
by Ms.Redrum
Summary: "No Alfred it's not what you think, i was just helping him, it's not the same as molesting." "The Hero doesn't believe you!" "Will you both shut the bloody hell up!" T for language and idk i'm too sleepy to think, fail summery is fail and the story is hopefully better.R&R this is also a FrUk story hints of PruCan. No one will ever know whats in the little black book,Mattie knows


**Ta-Da lol yeah its another oneshot. It's FrUk (yeah i ship that shit ^-^) with hints (well a little more than hints) of PruCan and i think (idk yet) i might try my hand at UsCan at some point (yeah i ship that also 3 even if it is incest i just find it to adorable(read:sexy) to not ship it...does that make me a bad person?)**

Thoughts:_ Blah_

Authors note thingyness: **Blah**

page Break: **XxXBlahXxX**

Slur (or France being France):~ + sh on a word

Jack= Australia

* * *

France sat at the bar with a wine glass in one hand and a small black book in the other; He looked around the room mentally checking people off a list in the book. He spotted England siting with Alfred and Jack*, He stood up and made his way over to them as he reached the table Arthur noticed him and glared.

"What do you want frog?" his voice only slightly slurred meaning that Alfred and Jack hadn't let him drink as much as he usually would.

"Angleterre darling, may I sit next to you?"

"No you bloody well can't sit next to me."

"Aww but Angleterre…" He started but was cut off by Jack.

"He doesn't want you to sit next to him mate, you should shove off and go hang out with Antonio or Gilbert tonight."

"But…"

"Dude seriously the night has been pretty calm already and we don't need Arthur to freak out if you sit next to him and cause a scene I mean we have almost been kicked out twice bro." his voice slurred a bit also.

Sighing Francis and wandered back over to the bar to order another bottle of wine.

After his forth bottle he spotted Gilbert laughing over in the corner with someone he couldn't see, Deciding now was the perfect time to mark him off the list in his book he sauntered over but stopped when he saw who was making Gilbert laugh like there was nothing else funnier in the world.

"Why bonjour mon cher Matthieu and Gilbert, it has been awhile sense we have been able to sit and talk may I join you?" Francis asked. Gilbert eyed his friend suspiciously before deciding to respond.

"No you can't, go molest eyebrows or something." Gilbert growled scooting closer to a slightly drunk Matthew.

"boule de neige 'hic' don't be sho mean~" Matthew slurred at Gilbert, making him blush. {boule de neige = Snowball? I think it means something like 'ball of snow' whatever ether one works.}

"You can 'hic' sit nesht to me papa." Matthew said patting the seat next to him. Francis smiled and took his seat .

"How have you been Matthieu?"

"I've been good papa, how about you, any luck with your 'hic' quesht?" Now it was Francis' turn to blush.

"_Of course he would bring it up now, and here of all place's!"_

"What's this about a quest Francis?" Gilbert asked smirked, but started eyeing him suspiciously again.

"Oh it's~ a funny s~tory, you s~ee a year ago I-" A hand shot out and covered Matthews mouth startling him.

"Vous n'êtes pas censé parler de vous en souvenir, vous avez promis, vous ne voulez pas de rompre une promesse et vous?" He growled at his son before catching his tone, realizing it was too late when he looked over. {"You aren't supposed to talk about it remember, you promised, you don't want to break a promise do you?"}

"_merde…"_

"I didn't mean to, I'm 'hic'sorry papa, please don't be mad at me." He said with teary eyes before breaking down into rapid French with tears streaming down his face.

"Great going you made him cry you monster." Gilbert glared a France before moving his arm to rest on Canada's shoulders muttering soothing words to the young nation.

"Shh it's ok Birdie… I'm sure he isn't mad at you… no you're not a horrible person people have done worse before... no you're not as bad as your brother… yes I'm sure… because he wouldn't have apologized and he would have said something way before now… you only said it cause your drunk… yes Birdie I'm sure."

"Ok 'hic' ... I trust you boule de neige." He sniffled and smiled making the Prussian blush.

"Ja ja kid, I know the awesome me is trustable." He said ruffling Matthews Blonde hair as Matthew leaned against him closing his eyes. France smiled a knowing smile.

"What?" Gilbert asked catching the smile.

"Oh nothing …boule de neige…" he said with an evil grin.

"Shut up he thought it would be nice if he gave me a nickname like I did with him."

"Yes but boule de neige?" France asked as he watched Matthew snuggle closer into the albinos shoulder causing the older ex-nation to blush. {Again dammit so unawesome}

"It fits you, and its cute coming from him."

"_It looks like another nation is off limits and l'amour even if he does not realize It, if only I could just tell England my feelings."_ he thought with a sigh.

"What's wrong with you France-y pants?"

"Really Gilbert? What an awful nickname, and nothing is wrong."

"Can't fool me Francis, is it eyebrows?"

"No it is not Angleterre." He lied.

"It's ok for even the nation of _'amour'_ to have romance trouble." There was silence as France glared at his friend, deciding to change the subject France pointed to the slumbering nation in Gilbert's arms.

"Maybe we should take him to his room."

"I do make an awesome pillow but your right the kid needs his sleep before having to deal with that tomorrow." He said pointedly glaring at Alfred who caught the look and glared right back.

"Gilbert it would be best not to piss off the brother of your love interest." France smirked as Gilbert started to sputter.

"My what?"

"Nothing dear friend, let's just take him to bed."

"Ja, I have to leave anyway before west finds me, he-"

"East, what are you doing here?" he was cut off by a loud voice from in front of their booth.

"Crap…"

"Bruder what do you think you are doing here?"

"Umm west I was just visiting…"

"Visiting who? You haven't been home in almost a week."

"A week… Gilbert where have you been?" He watched as his friends face light up with a blush once again as he looked down at the sleeping nation against him.

"Ohonhonhon… Gilbert why have you been at mon fils home?"

"It's not what you think pervert, Birdie just makes awesome pancakes."

"East you've been bugging Canada again?" Germany asked with a sigh.

"Again?"

"H-he doesn't call it bugging and he is too awesome to mind when I drop by, he told me so himself."

"_He stuttered how cute, he's in such denial." _He thought with a smirk.

"Don't even start thinking it Francis."

"I don't know what you mean boule de neige."

"Whatever, West I have to help Birdie to his room."

"Nein, you're coming with me bruder." Germany said as he started to pull Gilbert away from the table, France catching Matthew before he hit the table.

"Nein Westen warten, Ich kann nicht weg Matthäus allein mit dem Perversen, er könnte gehen belästigt!" he yelled as he was dragged out the door. {"No wait west, I can't leave Matthew alone with the pervert he might get molested!"}

"Well looks like we are the only ones left down here, time to get you up to bed." He said looking around at the almost empty hotel bar _"Even England has gone to bed."_ Sighing he shook the Canadian awake.

"Huh… wha-" the sleepy nation jerked awake and looked around.

"Time for bed Matthieu, I'll help you to your room."

"Oh…Ok papa...Where did boule de neige go?" Matthew mumbled before climbing out of the booth after Francis.

**XxXOne drunken adventure up the elevator laterXxX**

"Papa pourquoi ne pas s~implement lui dire?" Matthew French slurred a bit from too much alcohol. {Papa why do you not just tell him?}

"Tell who what?"

"Pourquoi ne pas s~implement dire maman vous l'aimez?" {Why do you not just tell mama you like him?}

"Il n'est pas facile quand il ne moi laisse pas près de lui." He said smiling at his sons name for England. {It is not that easy when he does not let me near him.}

"Donc, lui montrer que vous n'êtes pas essayer d'entrer dans s~on pantalon." {So show him you are not trying to get into his pants.}

"Oh, et qu'en est-il de boules de neige, vous n'avez pas proclamé votre amour pour lui encore." Using Matthews nick name for Prussia. {Oh and what about snowball, you have not proclaimed your love for him yet.}

"Papa, ce n'est pas de moi, et je ne pense pas qu'il m'aime comme ça." Matthew said a blush showing up on his already pink cheeks. {Papa this isn't about me, and i don't think he likes me like that.}

"_Oh why is amour so blind?"_ France thought with a sigh as they finally reached Matthews room.

"Thank you for helping me to my r~oom papa."

"It was nothing chéri." He said watching as Matthew started having trouble with his key-card.

"Papa help me please~" Matthew whined after his fifth attempt to open his door. Laughing France took the card from his son and opened the door.

"Here let me help you to bed."

"Fine but keep you handsh to yourself." Matthew slurred.

"Of course, would I ever do anything to you?"

"There wash that one time…" He trailed off.

"Oui Oui but I learned my lesson after you hit me with that horrid hockey stick." He replied making Matthew turn his head to glare at him.

"Hockey ish not horrid!" he cried offended.

"Your right pardonnez-moi." {forgive me}

Matthew turned and walked in to the room stumbling a bit before catching himself on the wall he started to take his shirt off and throw it to the floor. Francis followed after his son, letting the door swing shut and auto lock behind him.

"Papa can you hand me my pajam-Ahh!" Matthew cried as he stumbled again and started to fall backwards. Francis darted forward and caught him but not before his head hit the wall resulting and a loud *thump* and cry of pain.

"Oww…" Matthew whined as he started to tear up.

"Petit-ci sont ce que ç-" He was cut off by a crash from Matthew's door and a loud voice, looking over he saw Alfred standing on the door holding a baseball bat.

"Don't worry Mattie the hero's here to save yo-" Alfred stopped the tired look in his eyes vanishing at the scene before him. Matthew almost against the wall with his shirt peeled off and thrown to the floor and his unbuttoned pants barely hanging on his hips; tears in his eyes as he sniffled to hold them back, but that wasn't what shocked the 'Hero' oh no it was the fact that France's hand was {unknowingly} on his brothers ass and the Frenchman was leaned over him. _**(cause when France catches someone when they start to fall he catches them sexily…. Lolzwhat?)**_

"What are you doing to my brother?" He yelled clenching his fist over the bat in his hand, not amused to have been woken up at 2am let alone woken up to his brother crying with France's hand on his ass. It was only then that France realized where his hand was and what this must have looked like to the enraged American.

"Amérique calm down it's not what you think." He said removing his hand from his son's rump.

"Then what is it, `cause it sure as hell looks like what I'm thinking dude you had your hand on his ass." He ground out angrily as he marched over and grabbed Matthew from France dropping the bat from his hand in the process.

"Alfred~?" Matthew slurred now even more confused. {and in pain}

"What the bloody hell is going on in here?" A new voice piped up from the {now demolished} door.

"I don't know maman." Matthew mumbled from Alfred's arms earning a surprised sputter from the Englishman.

"Why don't you ask the French pedo." Alfred growled and hugged Matthew to his chest. {protectively crushing him}

"I am no pedo, who do you think I am… Spain?" France cried crossing his arms over his chest and pouted. England moved around America to see into the room better.

"What's going on?" he asked again spotting France near the wall and Matthew {yes he can remember his name thank you... Just as long as he and Alfred are in the same room} crushed to Alfred protectively.

"It was nothing Angleterre, Amérique is just over reacting."

"Over reacting, you were molesting my brother!"

"I was not, I was helping him!"

"Into his bed you pervert!"

"Actually yes, I was helping him into bed Amérique." France said tiredly.

"_Really how can he be so much different from my Matthieu?"_

"HA I knew it, he even admits it!"

"Alfred shut the bloody hell up!" England yelled glaring between him and Francis one of his caterpillar eyebrows twitching.

"B-But Iggy I have to protect my bro." he said pouting.

"Instead of yelling at the frog why don't you ask Matthew what happened…" He said looking at the young blonde in Americas arms. "…Or not." The other blondes looked toward the person they were just arguing over. Now that they were quiet they heard the small snoring.

Walking over England grabbed France by his ear and started to drag him to the door.

"Alfred take your brother to your room for tonight since you broke down his door."

"Hey I thought he was being attacked and the door was locked!" he defended sending a glare towards France.

"They lock on their own." France hissed back.

"Enough, France your coming with me let's go." He said and started to pull Francis by the ear again.

"Ohonhon England you want to play rough."

"Shut up you plonker*, we need to have a talk."

"Oh~ talk about what?" he asked as he was shoved into England's room.

"Well for one thing, just what were you doing in the lad's room frog?"

"Oh not you too Angleterre, I was just helping him to bed because he was drunk and stumbling around."

"Why was the lad half naked?"

"He was changing, Angleterre let us not talk about him let talk about us~" He purred getting a glare in response.

"I have a few more questions before you **leave**."

"Oh ask away then."

"What did he call me?"

"What do you mean… oh~ you mean maman…Ohonhon he called you mama Angleterre I thought you would have guessed that." He giggled.(It's France he can giggle all he wants)

"H-his mama?"

"Oui you are his mama and I his papa… Angleterre~ why don't we make more baby's the others are all grown and I did love it so when we lived together." He said leaning back on to the bed.

"M-make babies are you insane, we are b-both male!" England sputtered his cheeks heating up as he stared at the blonde male on his bed with and expression of shock and embarrassment.

"Oui, I didn't hear a no~"

"Frog you just want in my pants!" he said angrily, France panicked on the inside and almost made another perverted joke out of reflex before he remembered what Matthew had said about not letting him think he only wanted in his pants.

"As nice as that would be Angleterre I do not just want in your pants I want your love."

"Ha I knew it you-… wait what?" England said looking at France in shock.

"I said I could care less about getting into your pants as long as you love me." France said knowing that it was daring putting his feelings out there where he could have them crushed but then again he was the nation of love. England just stood there and stared at him like he had grown a second head, the silence growing and seconds ticked by slowly.

"I…" France started but didn't know how to finish, standing up feeling like his heart had just been shot he walked passed Arthur to the door. He grabbed the handle and started to turn when a hand grabbed his tightly.

"W-what did you mean by that?" Voice almost a whisper.

"I… Je t'aime." He said reverting to French.

"For…for how long?"

"Sense we were petits enfants together, though at the time it was more brotherly but as time went on I found myself loving you more than as a brother."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I…I didn't think you would believe me, you seem to hate my very existence sometimes."

"I don't hate you."

"Oui, but do you love me?"

"I…I don't know." He stuttered out.

"I understand… please tell me when you do know mon amour, I must leave now." He said starting to pull his hand from England's own.

"W-wait." He cried gripping Francis' hand tighter to stop him from leaving.

"What mon amour?"

"You annoy the crap out of me, have almost slept with every nation on this planet and you were just found with your hand on your own sons bum-"

"I already said it was not like that." France grumbled but Arthur just kept going.

"I have even seen you run starkers through my queens own home and yet I don't hate you, in fact I…"

"You… what?"

"I think I love you, you bloody frog." He mumbled blushing so red it would have had Spain cooing even at his arch enemy.

"Quoi?"

"I said I love you git." Suddenly his lips were trapped France's own, with a small gasp his lips parted enough to let France's tongue slip through deepening the kiss. At first he was frozen in shock but slowly he melted in to the kiss a small moan escaping his throat. Their tongues fought for dominance {Ohonhon France winning of course} before they broke apart gasping for air.

"Ohonhon Angleterre we have a lovely bad available to us right behind you~"

"You stupid wanker is that all you think of?"

"Ohonhonhon I didn't hear a no~"

* * *

**Yeah i'm evil i stopped just before the naughty bits (not brave enough to write anything close enough yet)**

**the thought of France running naked through the queen of England's home is quite funny if you ask me and it sounds like something he would do.**

**... the whole thing about France catching people sexily... blame on no sleep and it being 3am when i wrote that... it was funny at the time... still kinda is to me... whatever. **

**And don't even ask why i thought it would be funny/cute to have Matthew give Prussia the nickname Snowball... it just happened.**

**Sorry if i offend anyone with my horrible use of French, and the British slang... i had to google that stuff up cause i fail. (just shows how American i am)**

***plonker=... idiot right?**

**Starkers= naked duh**

**... Can i sleep now? T-T it's 9am and i'v been up since like noon yesterday... for lack of sleep(no sleep at all) the day before that. (i'm like a weird type of vampire that sleeps every other day or some shit and gets sick and hysterical at the sight of blood) all in all it = fail sauce... night...morning... good afternoon? whatever sleep time.**


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